R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
