I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
