God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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