I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
