I CAN MOONWALK!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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