Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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