so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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