im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
