You surviving the open bar?
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Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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