I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
