Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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