oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
