She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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