i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
