I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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