can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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