Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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