So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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