I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you're hired as official boob wrangler
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
