im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
