I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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