it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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