Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
