you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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