i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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