my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
