sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
