you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
