She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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