I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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