u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
