"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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