I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
