the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
