Its about making memories worth repressing
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
