so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
