so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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