Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
