If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
