Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
