I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
