Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
