So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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