found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
