apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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