I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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