My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
