Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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