dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
