You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
