I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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