So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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