They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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