Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
