Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My pussy is not your playground.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
