But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
