please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
