The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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