I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
