where's my purse there's an important taco in it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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