Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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