There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
