Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
