I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im holly from the hills drunk
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
