the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
