Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
